30 Kisses: Jacob and Bella
by nevermore199
Summary: A series of Jacob x Bella one-shots for the 30 Kisses Livejournal community. Number Eighteen: She knows that when she opens her eyes, he won't be there anymore.
1. It's Been Awhile

**Yay, Jacob x Bella. This time, I'm going to actually try and get my 30kisses claim completed. And not abandon it. No, sir.**

**This particular one is set many years after Eclipse. Um. Yeah. Have fun with it?**

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**Theme: the sound of waves**

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Back at the beach, she thinks, after all these years. 

The waves are lapping against her feet. The sun is bearing down heavily from above, but Bella Swan feels no warmth. She hasn't for a long time.

It's been exactly one hundred years since the day Bella was bitten to become a vampire. One hundred years since the day that Edward's teeth sank into her skin and venom started running and the sound of screaming pierced the air.

She's at the beach in La Push, where she and Jacob spent so much time walking hand-in-hand. She's not worried about getting caught; there are no werewolves in La Push anymore, for all of the ones she knew are dead, and none of their children ever transformed. She hopes that her brief visit won't incur the transformation in anyone, because it's not a fate she wishes on them. She knows how it can ruin life and love.

She stares emotionlessly out at the water, and her hand waves lightly through the air beside her, imagining that someone else's hand is there next to hers.

_Jacob._

She saw his grave. After only a moment, she had to leave.

_Jacob._

Bella sits down in the sand, running her fingers through her hair and listening to the slap and crash of the waves as she imagines the touch and look and kiss of a boy named Jacob Black, and the bitter tang—still present even now—of having love and happiness and an entire life torn away from her by something stronger.

** Why are all my ****Twilight**** stories depressing? I have mental issues.**

**Oh, and while I'm here, I'm going to shamelessly plug ****Sunlight and Clouds****, my collection of 100-word ****Twilight**** drabbles. Not many up yet, but I really want reviews. I like knowing that my stuff doesn't mentally scar people…**

**RRE.**


	2. Of Love and Perfection

**Here's the next one. This one is very much AU, and features Jacob and Bella as college kids and Edward as the singer of a boy band. It's a bit more of Edward x Bella x Jacob, but who cares.**

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Theme: superstar

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Bella's in love with a superstar. A singer in a boy band, as it turns out.

Edward Cullen.

Jacob hates the name.

He hates the man who holds the heart of his best friend (_not lover,_ he tries unsuccessfully to remind himself, _just a friend_). Hates the way Bella screams with joy and claps wildly at his concerts, the way she goes to every event featuring him, the way she has posters and pictures hung on the walls of her room.

He hates the way that Bella is in love with Edward.

"He's not worth it," he says to her one day.

Bella looks up from her iced coffee, blinking. "What?"

"Edward," Jacob clarifies. He takes a sip of his own coffee and slams it onto the table with more force than necessary. "He's not worth it. I don't get what you see in him."

"Jacob!" Bella leans across the table to slap him on the shoulder. "You don't know what you're saying! Edward's _amazing_."

"He is not, Bella. He's just some singer with a pretty face."

"Don't say that!" Bella says, her voice fierce and defensive.

"He doesn't even know you exist."

"Well—he _is_ a singer, he's really busy all the time—he can't be expected to know every fan—"

"Will you wake up, Bella?" Jacob demands, standing up, slamming the table with his fist and shaking both of their coffees. "Open your eyes! He's not _God_, Bella!"

"What's your problem, Jacob?" Bella jumps to her feet, glaring.

"My _problem_ is that you're throwing yourself away over some guy that doesn't even deserve you, Bella!" Jacob yells. "You're acting like someone you've never been! He doesn't love you! When are you going to wake up and realize that he's not as perfect as you think he is? There are plenty of people out there that _do_ love you, people who are real, Bella! People who are actually worth it!"

"Edward _is_ worth it!" Bella replies angrily.

"He's not!"

"Is too!"

"He isn't!" Jacob grabs Bella by the arm and pulls her around the table, ignoring her cry of surprise and pain. "I'm _always_ here for you, Bella, but all you notice is some stupid guy who doesn't even like you! Why do you keep mooning after him when there's someone right in front of you who really cares about you?"

"What are you—?"

"I love you!"

Bella gasps in shock, freezing, her eyes wide.

There's a long silence, with Bella in shock and Jacob bowing his head and the entire coffee shop staring at the two without a clue of what's going on.

"I love you, Bella," Jacob says finally, his voice quiet. With a last disgusted look at Bella, he lets go of her arm and stalks off. Bella turns to watch him go, her hand pressed to her mouth, tears streaming from her eyes and all over her face.

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A few days later, Jacob is sitting in his dorm room when the door opens and Bella walks in.

She approaches the bed where he sits, looking nervous and chewing her thumbnail. He regards her with impassive eyes.

"What do you want?" he asks finally, his voice rough.

Bella glances at him, then away. "I…" She trails off.

After a long time, she resumes speaking, her voice soft. "You were right."

Jacob continues to stare at her. "About?"

"Edward." Bella swallows. "You were right." She looks at Jacob. "He wasn't worth it. He never noticed me."

A few more seconds pass, and then Bella adds, "I'm sorry."

She crawls onto the bed with Jacob, and Jacob wraps his arms around her, pulling her into him. She lifts her arms to return the embrace, moving closer.

He plants a soft kiss on top of her head and whispers, "Me too."

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Aw. Isn't that just the sweetest thing you ever saw?

**Well, okay, I've seen sweeter. But, hey, I'm only a teenage writer.**

**RRE.**


	3. Protector

**This one takes place during ****New Moon****, after Jake becomes a werewolf, but before Bella figures it out.**

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Theme: dash

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Even though Jacob's been told that he can't be Bella's friend, that doesn't stop him from being her protector.

Every night, he runs around Bella's house in the dead of night, visible only as a blurred, russet-colored shape dashing through the trees and bushes. He watches Bella's home with dark eyes and looks around wildly, sniffing, checking for intruders.

_I won't let you get hurt, Bella,_ he swears.

He thinks again of Bella—a broken girl with dead eyes, who wraps her arms around herself and flinches at movies with romantic kissing in them and screams in her sleep at night, and hates himself for the pain he's inflicted on her. Just when she was starting to heal, he's broken her again—maybe for good this time.

_I'm so sorry, Bella. I won't let you get hurt by anyone else. I'll protect you in any way that I can._

He can't protect her from herself now, much as he wants to. But maybe he can protect her from a vampire.

_I will protect you, Bella. I promise._

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Aw, Jake.

**RRE.**


	4. The Perfect Gift

**This one takes place during ****New Moon****, after Edward leaves, but before Jacob becomes a werewolf.**

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Theme: candy

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Jacob groaned.

_What do I get Bella?_

That was the question he'd been asking himself over and over for the last hour.

He'd been searching every store in La Push, perusing the candy aisle in every place, searching for the perfect Valentine's Day gift for Bella. He knew that she wasn't huge on plush animals, and flowers would just die, so he figured that candy was the perfect gift.

The only problem was that he was having trouble picking something out.

_Really, this should not be that hard. I mean, Bella's pretty open-minded when it comes to this sort of thing. Why isn't this easy?_

But Jacob knew the answer to that. It wasn't easy because it was Bella Swan—the girl who currently held his heart. He knew that she still loved Edward, and he wanted to change that. Win her over with the right present. Show her that unlike certain people (coughEdwardcough), _he_ wasn't going anywhere.

And yet, how to do that? What gift to get?

He passed over the giant chocolate kisses—somehow, it just didn't seem right. He ignored the Skittle-filled plastic hearts. He stopped long enough to gawk at a chocolate fish, wondering who on Earth would give that to someone.

Finally, he stopped at a box of conversation hearts.

He'd ignored the conversation hearts at all the previous places, because they'd all been kind of showy—bright red, heart-shaped, some form of love declaration on the front.

This one wasn't like that. It was small, square, pale pink. A little plain. The words "Conversation Hearts" were printed on the top in elegant cursive.

Jacob slowly reached out and picked up the box, weighing it carefully in his hand.

The reason he'd rejected all the conversation hearts he'd seen before was that they were all simply showy. Too bright and happy. As though love was nothing more than three words and a few roses.

This box was different. It was a little plainer, a little simpler. Something that said, _Take me if you want—but you don't have to. I'm not going to force anything on you. Take all the time you need._

After a brief pause, Jacob headed for the counter, reaching for his wallet with one hand and gripping the box in the other.

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On the chocolate fish thing—my best friend actually gave her boyfriend a chocolate fish for Valentine's Day. Saw it at Wal-Mart. I practically forced her to get it, because I thought it would be hilarious. (They are still together, if that's what you're wondering.)

**RRE.**


	5. Summer Afternoons

**This one's a lot shorter. Takes place after Bella becomes a vampire.**

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Theme: perfect blue

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Bella hates sunny days now.

She hates the perfect blue of a summer afternoon, because the sun glints in her golden eyes and pulls rainbows from her skin, turning her into something wildly beautiful. Stunning, Edward said once.

But Bella doesn't want to be beautiful.

She hates the sunny days that throw magnificent colors across her body, because then she thinks of the one person who no longer thinks she's beautiful, and she's reminded of kisses and stolen time and the phrase _sort of beautiful_, and the summer sun twists into something Bella can't stand.

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Bella, if you didn't want to be pretty, you shouldn't have become a vampire, silly.

**RRE.**


	6. Favorite Color

**This one is about the kiss between Jacob and Bella in Eclipse. Elaborating on it. Kinda sorta. We needed some human Bella.**

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Theme: red

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She'd told Edward once that her favorite color changed with her mood, and that was the truth. There were some colors she liked (blue, because people often said that it looked good on her; brown, because it was familiar and warm) and some she didn't like (green, because in Forks it was too squashy and covered up everything that was supposed to be beautiful), but mostly it changed all the time.

For some reason, she couldn't really hold a favorite color in her head.

On the day that Bella realizes how she feels about Jacob, the sun is beating heavily down upon their close frames. They kiss hard and long and passionately, and the sunlight burns into Bella's eyes, turning her vision red.

When they finally break apart, Bella realizes that she finally has a favorite color.

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Yeah...fun stuff.

**RRE.**


	7. If Only

**With this piece, I've tried something I've never done before: writing in second person. It's unconventional and a big no-no with English teachers, but I think it turned out okay.**

**This takes place during ****New Moon****, before Jake becomes a werewolf. More Edward x Bella x Jacob, but hey.**

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Theme: if only I could make you mine

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You love her.

It's soon, maybe, but you know that it's true.

When she's happy, you melt in the brightness of her smile. When she's broken, you see her and ache at the sight of the scars, at the hollow glaze in her eyes. Her joy is your joy; her pain is your pain.

You long to tell her how you feel, to take her into your arms and never let go. You long to stay by her side forever. Every night, she appears in your dreams, radiant and glowing.

You love her. You really love her.

It kills you that she loves someone else.

You see how she longs after that other boy—the one who left long ago and yet still has everything you want. You know that she spends her nights remembering his touch, his kiss. You wish this wasn't so, but it is.

Every time you see her, you speak to her silently, saying, _If only I could make you mine. We could be so happy. I could make you so happy._

_If only I could make you mine…_

_Bella…_

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Hmm. I'm not happy with the ending. I had trouble coming up with that. But still. I feel like it's off somehow.

**RRE.**


	8. Forever and Always

**And now, a post-series story in which Jacob imprints. Please don't hate me?**

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Theme: invincible; unrivaled

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Five years after Bella leaves Forks, Jacob imprints.

Her name is Christy. She has long black hair that flows in the wind, beautiful green eyes that sparkle like emeralds. She comes to Forks to visit family, and Jacob sees her on the beach.

A few days and they're closer than family. A month and they're kissing over dinner. A year passes and they are married—even though a part of Jacob wishes that they weren't.

Jacob tells her all about Bella. He apologizes. He can't believe how horrible he feels. Christy understands.

And Jacob understands, too. He knows that not even fate or destiny or whatever causes werewolves to imprint can stand in the way of what he feels for Bella. Because _that_ love is invincible, unrivaled by anything—and will never die, no matter what happens.

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This is what I picture happening if Jacob ever does imprint. He might possibly grow to love whoever he imprints on, but he'll always love Bella.


	9. Darkness

**Another one with Bella as a vampire. For some reason, they're easier to write. Maybe it's because a lot of ready-to-be-written angst comes with Bella's transformation.**

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Theme: our distance and that person

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Not long after Bella's transformation, Edward notices that she hates being in the room if there's a light on. It's natural for her to avoid sunlight, but she hates electric lights, too. If they're turned on, she'll squirm uncomfortably and make an excuse to leave as soon as she can—even when they're in the middle of kissing, which is unusual for her.

When all the lights are off, she's comfortable and normal. She's Bella.

When Edward asks about it, she shrugs it off and says, "No reason, really." And then she politely leaves the room.

What she doesn't say is that the light reminds her of a different boy and a different life—the life she could have chosen. The life that could have been hers.

Bella much prefers the darkness.

In the dark, Bella is safe from the prying eyes of her silent conscience, and she can hide in the shadows and pretend that the aching sorrow in her heart doesn't exist. She can sit alone and whisper thoughts in her head, and the dark makes her feel as though no one can see—which is the only comfort she has when she's alone like this.

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Has anyone else noticed that I seem to enjoy writing Bella as a vampire with mental problems? Because I have. I wonder if this is an obsession.


	10. Our Escape

**Number 10! I'm one-third of the way done. Sweetness.**

**This one doesn't have much of a timeframe. I guess if pressed, I would say in the early-to-mid chapters of ****Eclipse****. It's about Jacob and Bella and the beach.**

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Theme: our own world

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The beach is their safe haven, their own little world. They come there to escape the pressures of everything else, to sit and talk and laugh and just be together.

The ocean waves crash and swell, kissing cold on the shore, and the wind blows wildly, ruffling their hair. A high-pitched chorus sounds.

_It's the sand,_ Bella says to Jacob.

Jacob traces the sand with a finger and frowns, looking doubtful.

_It's true,_ Bella insists. _It's the friction of the grains. The wind rubs them together, and they make that sound. Listen._

They both close their eyes, and listen to the sand and the sea, and melt away into their own world, with no thought of ever returning to the place outside.

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That does happen. The sand thing. I read it in a book. FOR SERIOUS.


	11. Nightmare

**And now we move into the second third. This one is sometime post-Eclipse, featuring Distraught Jacob, as well as cameos by Vampire Bella and Evil Edward.**

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Theme: the space between dream and reality

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He's not sure where he is; all he can see is the darkness of the space surrounding him. He fumbles in the shadows, slipping and sliding, grasping at something he can't see. He thinks he might be screaming, but he can't tell.

Bella's form appears, in a swirl of lights and colors, and when Jacob sees her, his heart rises, and he feels hope. He can see her smile, hear her laugh, feel her lips on his.

Then the darkness twists back around her, spinning around her, and the shape of Edward Cullen appears, draping his arm around her. Bella smiles, and the color drains from her skin, turning it palest porcelain. Her eyes suddenly streak with blood red.

Edward smirks at him, his teeth gleaming in a sneer.

This time Jacob knows he's yelling.

And then it is quiet.

He is vaguely aware of his surroundings now—the tousled sheets balled underneath him, the faint light of the crescent moon seeping in through his window. The emptiness of his tiny room, pressing in on him from all directions.

"Bella," he whispers hoarsely.

No one answers.

Jacob doesn't understand. Where's Bella? Why isn't she saying anything?

He tries again. "Bella." His voice is a croak now. There is still no answer.

Jacob shifts on the bed, looking around, frantic. "Bella, please…"

And then it hits him.

The vision of Edward and Bella slides back into his mind's eye, and he remembers that Bella is gone, that he lost her a long time ago, lost her to a place that he can never follow, a live that he can never be a part of. It hits him like a truck, right in the heart, and he turns into his pillow and heaves dry, quiet sobs, until the pain and the sorrow melt into the dark emptiness and sleep, like an uneasy blanket, envelopes him once more.

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I'm proud of this one. I actually think it was really good. Click that review button and tell me whether or not I'm right.


	12. I Want to Love You

**Sorry this took a while. I kept forgetting to post it. Gah, forgive me!**

**This one is set in ****Eclipse****, when Bella goes to see an injured Jake after the fight, but before she goes home to Charlie. So Jake's unconscious and stuff.**

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Theme: cradle

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Bella sees Jacob Black, broken and unconscious after the fight, and her heart breaks into pieces at the sight.

His face is pale and drawn; his body is held together by braces that don't belong. Carlisle is in the room, walking around and checking things and muttering, and every now and then he looks at Jacob too.

Bella hates this. She hates seeing Jacob this way, looking so small, so…_fragile_. Breakable. As if the slightest touch could shatter him into pieces.

And she wants to put him back together. She wants to fix him. She wants to cradle him gently and kiss his wounds better and make him well again.

She wants to care for him. So badly.

_So much._

But Edward is next to her, holding her hand and giving it the occasional squeeze as she stares at Jacob with anguish in her eyes, and she's reminded yet again that she can't be Jacob Black's savior. Because there's someone else. Something else. Something stronger that overshadows all else, even if a tiny part of her wishes it wasn't so.

She can't be the one to hold him and keep him safe. No matter how much she wants to.

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This is the eighth one in a row I've written in present tense. I'm thinking that maybe I have an obsession.

**I'm sorry. I'll really try to write one in…past tense. Or something. Maybe.**


	13. Broken Lines

**Hello, all. Number Thirteen.**

**I stick to my present-tense roots. I apologize.**

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Theme: jolt

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As they walk on the beach, hand in hand, she tells herself over and over that they are just friends.

Every time the boundaries blur, she steps in and does her best to set them straight again. She doesn't want them to get the slightest bit out of place. Because her heart still belongs to someone else. And much as she cares for Jacob, it's not in a romantic way.

She wants to keep this clear. Keep everything clear.

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_Friends don't hold hands._

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When he tells her that he loves her for the first time, she's speechless. Her breath is dead and gone, ice lodges in her throat and she's shocked beyond belief.

Stunned.

Because even with all her careful planning with the boundaries, he had overstepped them anyway. Walked right over the edge and proclaimed his love for her, with pitch black eyes and a serious face.

And she doesn't know how to handle it.

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_He loves you._

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It's a sunny day when she asks her to kiss him. Just to save him, she thinks, only it's a lie. Because now the truth is clear, and she realizes with a jolt that it's been there all along.

She loves him.

All her talk of lines was worth absolutely nothing in the end. Because she loves Jacob Black, loves him with a fiery passion. He is her gravity, her sun, and she wants to be with him so badly.

But she can't.

Another love is present too—her love for Edward. And this love, Bella knows, is the most powerful. It overshadows everything else.

Jacob pulls her to his chest, and she cries.

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_You love him._

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She chooses Edward, in the end, and even though it kills her, she does it anyway.

While preparations for the wedding go on, she walks around, feeling on the earth and yet not there. Sometimes she smiles, and other times she stares out windows with an empty look, thinking and wishing and hoping.

The bracelet holds both charms. The wolf and the crystal. Just like her heart.

She sees how it hurts Edward. Even when he tries to hide it, she can see flickers of pain in his eyes. The pain of watching a loved one pine over someone else.

_I'm sorry,_ she tells him in her head, over and over like a broken record. _I'm so sorry._

And she is.

She's sorry for hurting him. She's sorry for hurting Jacob.

She's sorry that she ever met either one. Because they—and she—would be so much better off right now if they had never come into contact in the first place.

-

_There will always be doubt._

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On the last day before the wedding, she goes to see Jacob.

They sit on their tree at the beach, and talk for hours and hours about everything and nothing. His hand clings lightly to hers—the one without the ring, she notes—and occasionally gives it a little squeeze, and she doesn't stop him.

When it's time for her to go, she breaks down sobbing.

"Bella," he whispers as he pulls her into an embrace.

She cries and cries against his chest, pain jolting through her body, limbs shaking as she clings to him like a drowning person to a life preserver.

In this moment, more than ever, she realizes that giving up humanity is a sacrifice. That there are things she is letting go of by letting Edward's venom flow through her veins.

And the most important sacrifice of all is right here, holding her.

She doesn't want to let go.

She wants to stay.

She wants to love Jacob Black forever.

But in the end, she leaves.

She tries to ignore the choked sound he makes behind her.

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_Too little and far too late._

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And there you have it. Lucky Thirteen. Whoo.


	14. Fly Away

**I can't seem to stop writing in present tense. It's a curse.**

**Anyway, this takes place during the epilogue of ****Eclipse****. Enjoy and stuff.**

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Theme: kHz (kilohertz)

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He runs.

The world is crashing down around him—not just the physical one that's blurring and disappearing before his eyes, but the one in his mind. The one with him and Bella and love.

The one that's been destroyed with a wedding invitation.

_Bella_, he chokes out in his mind. A howl comes from his mouth.

He runs harder, faster, trying to push away the boy he is inside—because he acts tough, but really, on the inside, he's just a boy. A sixteen-year-old boy who has lost the love of his life and doesn't have a clue where to turn.

He pictures Edward and Bella, weeks from now, at their wedding. Exchanging vows. Kissing at the alter, with the whole world to witness it.

He snarls, and his speed increases as he flies through the forest, faster than he knew he could.

Jacob Black falls away.

Faster, faster, _faster_.

Jacob Black falls away, but the pain still remains.

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Almost halfway done. Wow-zers.


	15. Sleep to Dream Her

**Hey, guys. Sorry I haven't updated this in forever. Writer's block really sucks, you know that? But while I was on vacation, I did manage to churn this baby out.**

**Someone is going to have to chain me to a chair to get me to stop writing present tense.**

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Theme: the road home

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He dreams of her every night.

He dreams of her pale skin, her flowing hair, her eyes brown, and everything the way it's supposed to be. Her smile, clear and bright and everlasting on her face.

He dreams of taking her hand and leading her down the road home—not _his_ home, but _their_ home, something he savors. She smiles and laughs, and he thinks he's doing the same.

As they walk along the road, he looks at her, and his eyes drink in her beauty. The light in her eyes is brighter than the sun overhead, and he basks in the warm glow.

When they reach the doorstep, he wraps his arms around her and pulls her close, breathing in her sweet scent. She looks up and smiles at him, and under the sunlight, he leans down and kisses her, tasting the sweetness of her lips and the beauty of the moment.

When he breaks away, he whispers her name and tells her that he loves her and that he will never let go, never leave her. And she smiles wider and says that she loves him, too—forever.

He dreams of her.

But when he wakes up, the world is cold and he is alone, and the pain of regret lingers in his heart long after the dream has disappeared.

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I think the title of this comes from a song, but I'm not actually sure. If someone wants to clear that up, that'd be lovely.

Or, if someone wants to not clear that up...well, I guess that would work, too. The Constitution gives you that right as well.

(I know. I've been watching _Law & Order_.)

Fare-thee-well, everyone!


	16. Bound

**Another one. Yay. Yippee. Sorry it took so long.**

**(And sorry for the bluntness. I don't really feel well right now.)**

**Ignores ****Breaking Dawn****. Yeah. Okay.**

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Theme: excessive chain

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On the morning of her wedding, Bella's quiet as Alice and Esme and Renee fiddle with her hair and makeup and whatever else. She doesn't offer an explanation, lets them chalk up her silence to nervousness. And maybe it's true on some level.

Some level, but not the biggest or the most important one.

"You look beautiful, honey," Renee says, kissing her on the forehead.

"Completely gorgeous," Alice agrees enthusiastically.

Bella nods quietly.

But when they're done and she's finished and she finally has a moment alone, she doesn't look at her reflection in the mirror. Instead, her gaze falls down to the bracelet around her wrist, with the crystal heart and the wooden wolf.

She wonders, for about the millionth time, about Jacob.

The previous evening, she'd seen Seth Clearwater, and she'd fixed him with a desperate look, not having to ask the question. He'd answered silently, his eyes telling all.

She wishes he were here. She wishes he wasn't in Canada. She wishes he were _here_.

But another part of her scorns at that desire, reminds her that she has no right to want that. She has no right to wish that Jacob were back in her life when she was the one who sent him away.

_It was my fault._

She brushes the crystal heart aside and takes the wolf between two fingers, turning it over slowly, carefully eyeing it.

_Jacob._

She then looks at the chains of the bracelet itself, and some insight tells her that the bracelet is a good representation of her life. Both the crystal and the wolf are bound to her, and she could take either one off and throw it away if she wanted to.

She could sever her connection with the wolf if she wanted to.

Only she doesn't want to.

Her eyes lock on the wolf. Linger. Fall away.

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Like my current long-fic,

**Where You Belong****, this anthology is going to ignore ****Breaking Dawn****. Better for all of us that way.**


	17. Said and Unsaid

**Hey there, guys. Sorry this has taken a freakishly long amount of time. I suck, huh?**

**This one takes place some undetermined time after ****Eclipse****. ****Breaking Dawn**** events have not been taken into account.**

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Theme: violence; pillage/plunder; extortion

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"_You'd be better off dead."_

Jacob remembers saying that. He remembers the angry words spat from his mouth, the hurt look that flashed across her face. He remembers feeling horrible afterwards—trailing his fingers along nothing, wondering how he could have broken Bella's heart so violently, why he didn't just take up a knife and kill her right then and spare her some pain.

He remembers a lot of things, now.

Walking hand-in-hand on the beach. Laughing over the smallest thing. Kissing her hard, desperately, silently begging her not to leave, not to disappear.

Being crushed in arms of pain and carried home with everything broken, willing himself not to die. To keep living. For her.

He remembers the pain he once felt, knowing that she was willing to give everything up, to let her heart slow and freeze, to become a predator who lived in blood and reveled in murder.

Only she can't make the right choice, now. She can't even make the wrong one.

All because of a storm, and walking, and a car, and eyes turned the other way.

"I didn't mean what I said, you idiot," he says to her grave.

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I was thinking about that. Like, how ironic it would be if Bella decided to become a vampire, and then died in a car accident.

**Although I agree with Jake; she'd have been better off dying, what with all the crap that happened in BD…**


	18. Closed Petals

**Hey, all. Back with another lovely one-shot. This one takes place after ****Eclipse**** and ignores ****Breaking Dawn****.**

**Sorry about being so slow with this, by the way. I keep barely meeting my two-month deadline. Meh.**

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Theme: overflow

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Every now and then, in the weeks before her wedding, Jacob comes to find her.

She's always alone when he does—walking, thinking, packing up things at home. She always looks up at him when he speaks her name, her face impassive as she wonders if she's happy to see him.

Then he kisses her, and Bella stops wondering anything.

At first it's just kissing. Then clothing is pushed aside, and before Bella knows it she's—well, she doesn't really want to say _cheating_, because it's Jacob. But isn't she marrying Edward? So it is cheating, then?

She never really thinks about it too much, though. She really only thinks of him and them. How they've flooded through the gates that once held them back and gone on, with no heed of what was on either side.

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"I think he knows something," she mumbles one day.

Jacob blinks up at her, lips at her shoulder. "Hmm?"

"Edward." Bella sighs. "Alice asked me when I got to be such a good liar."

Jacob sits up, looking worried. "Really?"

"Yeah. I tried to tell her I wasn't lying, but I don't think she believed me."

"You really _are_ a bad liar, Bella."

"I must be halfway decent, or Edward would have hunted you down and killed you long before now."

Jacob can't help but smile. "Good point."

They both straighten up, and Bella sighs again. "What are we going to do, Jake?"

"I have no idea."

"This is wrong, isn't it?"

"Yeah. It is."

"We can't keep on—"

"No."

"Then why are we still—?"

"I don't know."

Bella bites her lip, feeling like she might cry. "Jake…"

Jacob places his hand lightly over hers. "Aw, don't cry, Bells," he pleads quietly.

"What are we going to do?" Bella asks again, more desperately. "We have to stop this. But—what are—"

"I don't know, Bella." Jacob's face is tight and pained. "I just don't know."

Bella looks at him, her lip quivering.

They kiss again—harder, longer, more consumed.

When they pull apart, Bella keeps her eyes shut as tightly as she can, even when the tears start to spill over and her body starts to shake.

She knows that when she opens her eyes, he won't be there anymore.

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I always wanted to use that last line in something. Eh, so I guess I kind of wrote the story to fit that last line…Don't English teachers say not to do that?

**Oh, well. Since when have I listened to an English teacher?**

**Anyway, time for a shameless plug: go read my current Twilight long-fic, Where You Belong. It was very recently updated with its seventh chapter, and contains an Edward x Bella x Jacob triangle. Or, well, it will. But, yeah, go read it, plzkthanks. :)**


	19. The Sound of Shattering

**Here we are. Almost two-thirds of the way done. I really need to start updating a bit more, I think…But at least it hasn't been two months since the last update. That's a start.**

**Anywho. Takes place some random time during ****New Moon****. Whoo.**

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Theme: radio-cassette player

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Once Bella starts hanging around, Jacob notices her dislike for music pretty quickly. He doesn't ask or object, and he doesn't need to. He just quietly puts away his radio and CDs and other electronic music-related items, and doesn't get them out unless Bella's long gone.

One night she calls while he's channel-surfing on the radio. "Hello?"

"Hey, Jake, it's me."

"Oh, hey, Bells! What's up?"

"Not much…" Bella's voice trails off hesitantly. "Um, what's that noise?"

"Huh?" Jacob turns to the radio. It's playing some really loud and obnoxious rap song about people making out in a bathroom. "Oh—whoops." Jacob smiles sheepishly and turns the radio off. "Sorry—I was just looking to see what was on."

"Oh."

There's a brief, uncomfortable silence, during which Jacob can't help but re-realize how utterly fragile Bella is. How the littlest of things can break her.

He can almost hear her trying to put the pieces back together on the other line. It's the saddest sound he can imagine.

"Jake?"

"What?"

"Um…I was just asking if you were still coming over tomorrow…"

_Of course I'm coming over tomorrow. What kind of stupid question is that? I'm coming over because I'm a masochistic idiot who sits around and watches you fall apart. All just because I want to hold you and kiss you and make you forget Edward because you're a million times better off without him, and because _I love you so much—

"Jacob?"

Jacob sighs. "Yeah, I'm coming over tomorrow."

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Eh…I really don't think this was my best. Gah. My Twilight inspiration seems to be swirling away. Or something.


End file.
